Testing of Krispy Kreme Formula v.1.0

Further to Rachel's refinement of the Krispy Kreme formula...

calories burned x injury coefficient x terrain coefficient

...I am undertaking testing based upon my two most recent outings:

(i) Test One - Mountain biking - 40km

Per my Garmin, calories burnt = 1,563
Injuries = none
Terrain = muddy track, slippery leaf-strewn paths for c. 70% of the route. Tarmac for the rest.

1,563 x 1 x (1.9 x 70% + 1.0 x 30%)

= 2,597 calories

= 13 regular glazed ring doughnuts or 7.4 filled doughnuts


(ii) Test Two - Orienteering - 12km

Calories burnt = 793
Injuries = gorse splinters, two large blisters (presumably I would be allowed to count both injury scores? That would be 1.5 for the blisters and 2.4 for the splinters)
Terrain = sandy paths, heath, woodland (I would equate this to tufty grass, 1.3)

793 x 3.9 x 1.3

= 4,021 calories

= 20 glazed ring or 11 filled

My initial thoughts are that these numbers are coming out a little high. I am also concerned about the efficacy of the Garmin for measuring calorific output. It felt like much harder work running 12k than it did cycling 40k. Perhaps further refinement is required...

scientific breakthrough

Buoyed by the ongoing success and relevance of the Entertainment & Economy (TM) scale, evidenced almost daily, I am now hard at work on a new formula.

However, I am having trouble with a couple of details.

The formula is supposed to help me work out how many krispy kreme doughnuts (or equivalent measure of roast potatoes) I can consume during a typical week based upon the exercise I do at the weekend (that is, if I still want to fit in my clothes).

The draft version currently looks like this:

(Minutes of exercise + quantity of mud on garments (in grams) ) to the power of (25 minus the hour [24 hour clock] that the exercise commenced)

divided by

mean air temperature during the exercise

But there are a couple of problems at the moment:

1. Although the formula correctly factors in the increased KK potential of exercise commenced very early in the morning, it needs some kind of amendment for Night Orienteering (typical start time, 6 or 7 pm) - an event which (due to its combination of cold, confusion and a sprinkling of abject terror) punches above its weight in reward terms.
2. The temperature weighting helps to straighten out the difference between indoor and outdoor work. But what if I went running in the desert?

Also, I've not found a satisfactory way of factoring in injuries. Major injuries (twisted ankles, pulled muscles etc) which stop you from exercising should immediately wipe out any KK benefit otherwise you'd not fit in your work trousers any more by the end of the week. But small injuries which merely inconvenience (splinters, scratches, nettle stings, blisters etc) should be allowed to increase the KK factor, if only to offset the lack of sympathy you get for them (exhibit A: my legs which are filled with microscopic gorse splinters from last weekend's orienteering).

Generation Y

I am off on a course next week. It's not aimed at me - I shall be merely an observer, as my department is thinking of running a similar course and wants to find out about it. The course is aimed at the people who are just about to qualify - i.e. they all left university about 3 years ago.

The organisers sent me a huge pack of briefing notes on the course objectives and so on. The most intriguing was an entire report dedicated to the fact that these young'uns, all born after 1980, are the "Millennial" generation, AKA "Generation Y", and therefore are significantly different in their wants and needs to the sluggish pre-millennials such as myself.

What I want to know is how they can all be so very different to me when so few years separate us? Indeed, once my official age manipulation* is in full swing, I shall very soon be YOUNGER than these people. And yet I remain very much not Generation Y. This is exemplified by the fact that after many months on Facebook I still only have a handful of "friends" as none of my actual flesh and blood friends are on it, whereas my little brother (materially closer to being yer actual Millennial) has about 7000 friends after his first week.

*removal of one year from my age at each birthday until I reach 28. Then stop until it is time to gracefully sweep on to 35.