Scary story

Bad Science on Guardian Unlimited: if you've not read it, essentially it's a geeky bloke demolishing the rubbishy science used to sell things, and therefore allows you to laugh openly at stupid people. Let's face it, there are few better things in life than that.

However, this week's article is slightly different. It covers how you can track someone's movements through their mobile phone, pretty much just by putting their number into a website. And points out that this is really rather scary indeed. All the fun and useful applications of it (knowing the whereabouts of teenage offspring, calculating how much work Glenn actually does in a typical day [answer: not much, but I didn't need a website to tell me that] etc) are outweighed by the fact that you can now pander to all your freaky stalker paranoia from the comfort of your own laptop.

Picture this.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

Tomorrow I'm having my formal work photos done for inclusion in presentations etc. I can't imagine a more painful way of spending 20 mins than gurning away in sub-zero temperatures out in the courtyard. From what I can tell from other victims, the key looks to master include:

• "I command respect - but am still approachable"
• "What an interesting point you've made"
• Ms Integrity
• "What's that over there?"
• Ice Queen
• "I'm everso earnest"

The famous "who has my pants?" look has been discredited recently, so we are discouraged from adopting this.

Squeaky building

There is a big fancy new office opposite my building. As you approach it, you can hear a strange squeaky chirping noise emanating from the entrance canopy. It's just like the noise a nest-full of chicks make when mummy bird returns with a beak of squished worms.

The first time I heard it, I assumed it myst be a nest. But it's now the middle of winter and the noise is still there. Perhaps it is some kind of bizarre pigeon deterrent...?